Brokeback Joe

Loved by adoring sports fans, women and blog creators alike (see Kissing Suzy Kolber) Joe Willie Namath is the latest mythic sports hero to be super-sized by Hollywood ... right after Jimmy Morris, Vince Papale and Dean Youngblood.

FROM VARIETY: Universal Pictures will turn the life of Joe Namath into a feature film, with Jake Gyllenhaal playing the Hall of Fame quarterback.

David Hollander will write the script once the writers strike is over. Mad Chance's Andrew Lazar will produce. Jimmy Walsh, who runs Namanco Prods., exec produces.

Walsh said he and Namath OK'd the movie after a long pursuit by Lazar, a strong take by Hollander and the belief that the athletic Gyllenhaal was the right actor to play him.

We just hope the movie will include Namath's best work ever on the gridiron.

What's Worse Than 0-11?

Getting beat by a kicker who looks like this.

The Miami Dolphins can't even beat Jeff Reed, who looks like a swollen, drunken version of a troll.

Gotta love the T-I-T-S Tits, Tits, Tits!

Not much needs to said about this. You've got a bunch of Jets fans that haven't had a winning season in forever and they happen to get their enjoyment cheering on something else.



What happens in Gate D, stays in Gate D

Patriot Games

Why are people bitching about the Patriots running up the score? Look, I'm a Broncos fan, always have been, always will be. But I have no problem with what the Patriots are doing right now. This is unlike anything any football fan has ever seen.

Think about it, college football teams will 70-7 and it's justified because they're looking for style points in the BCS. But that's amateur athletes beating the piss out of another group of 18-22 year olds, not getting paid, just for a bullshit system.

The Patriots, hate 'em or love 'em, are playing in the NFL. These are the best football players on the planet and if you can't stop them from kicking your teeth in, don't bitch, look in the mirror. Stop them if you don't want to get embarrassed. Are we really supposed to feel bad for guys making 4 million dollars a year losing a football game 56-10? Let's get a grip on reality. I'll call all my friends up and go lose 200-0 if you're going to pay me 4 mil.

The Patriots are good for football. The fact that a team is making a serious, and I mean serious, run at 16-0 is sensational. I'm rooting for it to happen. Why? Because the '72 Dolphins haven't let go yet and it would be historical (and don't we all want to see history happen in sports, except the Bonds home run chase, but as Nicky Stats would say, "They can't all be winners.")

The Broncos just beat the Titans to improve to 5-5 and put themselves in position to win a pitiful AFC West. And guess what? I don't care. They can't beat the Patriots or Colts (and probably not another game against the Steelers.) So everyone else is playing for second place. I still root for my team, but at the same time, I have no problem watching the Patriots beat the ever-living-shit out of opponents.

I can't wait for a 100-point game when the Pats play the Jets again. Poor Mangini!

John Elway Isn't Coming Back To Your Bar

When you're a retired Hall Of Fame quarterback, with a pair of Super Bowl wins and both a regular season and Super Bowl MVP award, you pretty much have the world by the balls ... kicking back with some friends, enjoying the fruits of your labor along side your super hot girlfriend. That is until, some girl behind the bar who has no idea who you are decideds to cut you off.

FROM THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN NEWS: There are conflicting versions of the story, but according to Elway, he and his girlfriend, Paige Green, along with pal Craig Andrisen arrived at the restaurant around 6 p.m. Wednesday and sat at the end of the bar. Throughout the course of the evening the threesome ordered drinks (the number is under dispute) and appetizers

Several hours later, when Elway attempted to order another glass of wine, he was told by the bartender that management was cutting him off. According to the former Broncos quarterback, he asked to speak to the manager.

"(Elway) got upset and was in my face a little bit," Wheeler said. "He stood up and towered over me and pointed his finger in my face. I apologized, and said I was sorry to hear that he would never come back."

When a 6 ft. 3 in., 215 pound man with a rifle arm says he wants another glass of wine, then goddamn it get him another glass of wine!

Exclusive New England Patriots Spy Video Stolen From NFL

Gotta love those cheating Pats.

The Vikings Hate Your Grandma

Oh your grandmother passed away? Wow, she basically raised you and your siblings on her own? We're deeply sorry for your loss. Sure ... we completely understand, go take care of whatever you need to do back in South Carolina. Please be sure to pass along our condolences to the rest of your family. One more thing ... we are docking you $25,588 worth of pay for the time spent away our embarrassment of a franchise and our other-than-ridiculous-rookie-superstar boring 2-5 team. Have a nice trip!

FROM ESPN.COM: The Minnesota Vikings have docked wide receiver Troy Williamson one game check for missing last Sunday's game against the San Diego Chargers to attend the Monday funeral of his maternal grandmother.

Based on his 2007 salary of $435,000, the action by the Vikings will cost the three-year veteran $25,588. Williamson has 45 days to appeal Minnesota's decision to withhold his pay, and NFL Players Association sources said he will do so.

"I don't care if they would have [taken] my pay for the rest of the year, I was going home," Williamson told the St. Paul Pioneer Press. "It wouldn't have mattered to me."

Williamson's agent, David Canter, revealed last week that his client's older brother was injured in an automobile accident in September and that he has been hospitalized in Georgia, where he has been in and out of a coma. He said Williamson, who has been able to spend only a little time visiting his brother, has been battling through the ordeal of "a grieving and healing" process and that his family is his first priority.

Stay classy Minnesota!

UPDATE: After a firestorm of criticism from fans, the media and his players, first-year head coach Brad Childress rescinded his idiotic fine of Williamson saying "In the end, it's not important to be right, but to get it right." That's funny because you were wrong, Brad, from the very beginning.

Borat Coaches the Dolphins

The world-renowned Borat gives Miami radio host Sid Rosenberg his take on how to motivate the 0-8 Miami Dolphins.

CLICK HERE FOR FULL AUDIO CLIP
courtesy of 790theticket.com

Family Matters

Yesterday, a Pennsylvania judge sentenced Britt and Garrett Reid, sons of Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid, to a jail term of up to 23 months for numerous drugs and weapons charges. Today, Reid held a press conference to announce that he will not be stepping down from the helm of the Eagles. Unfortunately, we agree with his decision not to step down, but only because it's too late ... his son's are already in jail.

Reid should have stepped down in February, when he decided only to take a brief leave of absence. Maybe then he could have pulled a household the judge likened to a "drug emporium" back together.

FROM THE UNION-TRIBUNE: “There isn't any structure there that this court can depend upon,” Montgomery County Judge Steven O'Neill said before sentencing 22-year-old Britt Reid to up to 23 months in jail plus probation.

“I'm saying this is a family in crisis,” O'Neill said.

Earlier in the day, O'Neill sentenced 24-year-old Garrett Reid, a drug addict and dealer who said he got a thrill out of selling drugs in “the 'hood,” to up to 23 months in jail for smashing into another motorist's car while high on heroin.

As is the case with many of the children of professional coaches, they tend to grow up in a home with only one parent as a direct result of the evolution of the profession into a year-round gig, where it isn't unusual for some to put in 18-hour work days during the season.

Now are we saying it's not Reid's fault and his kids are a victim of circumstance? Of course not. It is every parent's responsibility to instill morals and show their children the difference between right and wrong. But we do understand how the high demands of being the face of a billion dollar corporation and the amount of time and dedication it takes just to compete could breed a chaotic situation at home.

With his Eagles, Reid will always be able to look ahead after a disappointing season. Sorry to say for his family, there is no next season.

ESPN Makes Us Laugh

Sportscenter just ran a segment about the fear of getting hit in the NFL and three glaring statements were made in this segment.

1. Shawne Merriman talked about hitting people and then flexed.

2. Eli Manning talked about not showing fear on the field.

3. Ray Lewis said he likes to take a man's will.

Okay, so Merriman is featured showing off his physique (steroids, anyone?) Oh wait, he got busted for steroids. Not speculation there. Yes, Shawne, you're arms are big. Mine would be too if I took a needle in my ass. Lights out, man, lights out!

Then Eli is telling us to show no fear. Why Eli? What was Rex Grossman busy? I would've accepted Favre or Garcia or a QB with some balls, but Eli? Right!

Finally, Ray Lewis is talking about taking a man's will. Is that Ray's way of describing murder? Get that man a knife! Great job ESPN.

Jon Kitna for Costume of The Year

In honor of defensive line coach, Joe Cullen's naked run in with a fastfood drive in last year, Jon Kitna decided to let it all hang out at a Lions charity function. Kitna's naked costume was accompanied by his wife as a Wendy's drive-thru girl.

Happy Halloween

This costume is so wrong ... it's right.

Is That a Football In Your Pocket ...